Followers or Friends?
Or, Who is a Friend in this World?
Good Morning!
I have written plenty about social media and relationships. Now, let me combine the two!
First of all, it’s important to go way back in time. A time before even I was born… 1997. (Yes, that is not old in the grand scheme of things, but hear me out for me; that is before time itself). The first social networks on the World Wide Web emerged during this time. The very first one was called Six Degrees. It kicked around until 2000. But the concept remained the same. A place for people to create their own profile online and share it with their buddies. This is how Facebook worked, and then, later on, Instagram, Snapchat, and TikTok.
But what I am more interested in is when there was a shift in the culture. To follow people, you wouldn’t even consider influencers or famous people. Ordinary everyday people who you might have known for years. But actually, being friends with them? No, never!
I view this as funny in a way. Some people can’t physically stand to talk to in person. But follow them online, well, why not? How else would one be able to stalk them? (I’m joking; don’t actually do that.) But the point still stands. The consensus is that people would follow others because of mutual.
Why do you need to follow random people because we share mutuals? Because of that, that is the one thing you are running on. It won’t do you much good. Social media is to connect with friends and other people in your life who you want. Not random people who you can barely acknowledge. People may say I am not perfect in this as I have people I don’t know very well following me on Instagram and vice versa. I argue that those people are part of the community I am joining soon. It is best to try to be out there so I know what to expect.
My gripes are with people you know but can’t even acknowledge each other for a hello, much less even know more about you that isn’t on your profile? What are you proving by following them? To see the arbitrary follower number increase? Humanity does like to see that number rise. But what are you showing? That you are a proud extrovert?
Actually, that is probably what it’s about. But let’s go on to the second reason why I am choosing to write this. What is a friend in this world? Who are the “friends” people who decide to add on social media and exchange phone numbers with?
There are six definitions of the word “friend” that the Merriam-Webster Dictionary brings up. I will use “one attached to another by affection or esteem” and “one that is not hostile.” By the latter’s logic. The “friends” present on social media do check out. Obviously, people would not be following each other if they were hostile. (There are usually some exceptions, but that’s not what I’m talking about.)
But regarding the former definition, it makes sense that you would be friends with someone you would be esteemed by. Someone who you share a connection with and want to be around. Now we’re getting somewhere!
And yet, somewhere along the path, it becomes blurred. People become so focused on being friends with as many people as possible and trying to keep those friendships on the up and up that they don’t actually spend time getting to know each other better. Instead, you could have 1,000 shallow connections and no close friends. Why do you need people, who are essentially random strangers at heart, to have access to your life? Are they all of esteem to you?
It’s funny in a way, in my class, there are awards for topics like “Most likely to be famous?” A girl advertised that she should win it solely because of her “high” follower count on Instagram (she has ~1,800 for reference.) Why do I find it hard to believe someone could know 1,800 people close enough at 18? Do many people consider you close enough? I’m not sure if that’s sad or depressing, to be honest. (No, I don’t follow her.)
Here’s another example. One that’s a tad more personal to me. Storytime!
On the Friday before President’s Day, I received a follow-up request from someone I did not consider a friend. I knew them from the elusive Wheels trip I keep bringing up and will one day release the posts on. (There was a point when I blocked the person for currently undisclosed reasons, but I unblocked them a month ago when I unblocked a dozen people.) Anyway, I was more concerned with why they showed up out of the blue. Our last interaction ended with me throwing them under the bus (metaphorically speaking). I was surprised to see that. We are two completely different people. They have ~750ish followers (a number that, while smaller than ~1,800, is still hard for me to comprehend) while I have 200. (Which I still think in my unwell mind is too many.) I did not understand why they would want to follow me, much less remain to be friends.
So what happened? Well, the only logical thing occurred. Following a 12-hour speed run down to New York City and back to see Wicked (which I might write about one day; we’ll see!), we had a 31-minute call at around 11:00 PM. This was an anomaly for two reasons:
I don’t call people ever. I have, on average, 0.2 non-family calls a month.
It was after 10PM, and I usually isolate myself after that time.
I won’t go into the details of the call, but I was never given an apparent reason why they wanted to be my friend. Other than the fact that they did not want any beef with anyone and did not see a reason why not. (Paraphrasing)
What made me agree to move on was “I want to be friends with you”. That made me stop for a second. I can’t recall the last time someone told me that. (Maybe that’s because people don’t usually say that so it caught me off guard? That’s probably it.)
But friendship is more profound than stating that you are friends. It is actively communicating with one another, having meaningful topics, and, most of all, having fun. Something that is much more difficult to do if that friendship is only meaningful in terms of a follower number or picture.
Why is it permissible for random people to follow your Instagram? Do you want them to have access to your personal (albeit possibly staged) life? Or rather, do you want people who actually care about you as your followers?
For me, it would be the latter. Simple.
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